THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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