and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
