I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
