barbara walters just said penis...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
