If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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