you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
