If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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