We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so let's talk penis.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is my gift to your gina
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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