I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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