your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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