..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
