you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
