my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
