the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
