just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
