So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
