the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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