I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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