I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
