Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
