So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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