the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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