At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
