Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
