i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
