I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
