So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
