It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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