Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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