Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
