I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
