The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
