I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
