my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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