was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
