i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
