oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
