ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
