I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
