Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
