On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
