chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
