I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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