Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
