For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
