Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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