What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
