Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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