WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
