I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Randomize
