how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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