i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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