Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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