Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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