Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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