i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
