the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
