im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
