frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
