do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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