WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
