Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
