Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
