Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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