grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
