just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
