i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
