Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
