i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize