I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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